 KSL Movie Show Review:...
1. NORBIT - This movie was so bad, I’m convinced it caused Eddie Murphy to lose his chance at an Oscar for “Dreamgirls.” In a cruel twist of fate, this tasteless tragedy pretending to be a comedy came out the same weekend Academy members were voting. Eddie was so furious at being snubbed on Oscar night, he walked out in the middle of the ceremony. Unfortunately, I had to stay until the bitter end of this awful movie. 2. GOOD LUCK CHUCK - Crude and cruel, Dane Cook is cursed when he won’t have sex with a wacky junior high school coed and must live the rest of his life as the guy women sleep with right before they find true love. To break the curse, he searches for the most hideous woman in the world, but instead creates the most mean spirited misogynistic movie of the year. 3. I KNOW WHO KILLED ME - Lindsay Lohan may have done some questionable things in her life, but few rival the lunacy that convinced her to take part in this laughably bad excuse of a horror movie. Does her character have multiple personalities or is she two distinct people? Who cares! By the end of this, you’ll be rolling in the aisles over one of the most ridiculous twists in the history of film. 4. EPIC MOVIE - Spoof movies have been all the rage the past few years, but this one is easily the worst I have ever seen. It goes after Michael Jackson and Star Wars, for heck sakes! That’s about as timely as making fun of Minnie Pearl with the price tag on her hat. Who’s Minnie Pearl? I rest my case, but in fact, I think she’s the great aunt of Minnie Driver. 5. HALLOWEEN - Turns out the “purely evil” Michael Myers was just a misunderstood little boy that was picked on by bullies and abused by his stripper mom’s wicked step boyfriend. Nice work, Rob Zombie! You’ve managed to turn cinema’s scariest killing machine into a big dopey guy with a machete who just needs a hug. Any other classics you’d like to mutilate? 6. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY - Dredging up some of the most worn out and tasteless stereotypes in recent memory, Adam Sandler and Kevin James try to tell us it’s not nice to make fun of gays, by making fun of gays. Seems more than a bit insincere. Adding to the nightmare is Rob Schneider as a bucktoothed Asian wearing coke bottle glasses. Well, at least the film’s an equal opportunity offender. 7. GHOST RIDER - Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the Devil to save his Pa from lung cancer. Nic Cage sells his soul to that same Devil to play Ghost Rider, but forgot one thing. It takes more than cheesy, flaming special effects to create a superhero. An intelligent script would have also come in handy. 8. BRATZ - Bad movie? Whatever! Malibu Barbie has been upstaged by a series of dolls that dress like streetwalkers. Fine. Buy whatever you like. But making a shrill, lame movie about these little trollops-in-human form is about as rude a thing you could do to those same parents who forked out good money for these little playtime tarts. This is so mindlessly bland that it almost makes you long for the days of Chucky. 9. NEXT - I hate to keep picking on Nic Cage here, but this story about a guy who can see two minutes into his own future may be one of the nuttiest films I’ve ever sat through. Rhyme and reason are discarded in this time travel redo and it shouldn’t have taken a fortune teller for the filmmakers to see what a bomb it would eventually turn out to be. 10. I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE - It takes some effort for Chris Rock to NOT be funny, but he manages to pull out all the stops in this movie about temptation outside of marriage. He may be trying to say he’d never cheat on his wife, but he spends most of the time in this film talking about how he would if he could. Hard to take the moral high ground when you’re wallowing in such a deep and nasty gutter. Oh, and did I mention it’s not funny?
Movie Showings Links:
|
 |
Movie Show Home Page
|
